alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
