the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I need to calm my uterus...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize