Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
