my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize