i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
And then my night got REAL pukey
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
