You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
