that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
