I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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