They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think people are normalizing furries
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
