Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I love you.
Bad choice
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
