well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
