She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
