Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
