I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
