thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
