Barsexuality is the new black.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
