Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
