I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
