Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
