I just made out with a guy for $7.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
