NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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