She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
