Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
