Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
