I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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