He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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