yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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