Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
