i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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