farters have to be the big spoon...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Randomize
