4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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