Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
