Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
