What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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