You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
