Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed

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(912): View more from Georgia

This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.

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(281): View more from Texas

I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.

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(720): View more from Colorado

This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff

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