If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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