dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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