so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
