Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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