shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
