We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
