I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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