Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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