sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
