So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
