So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
