Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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