i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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