guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
