I just saw a hot homeless man
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize