my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
