Nicole vs. Life
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
