I wanna bring you to show and tell
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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