This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
