I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
