Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
