One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
