That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
im six kinds of drunk right now
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
