Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
