I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
