he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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