Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
