I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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