the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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