just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize