I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
