I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I currently don't understand fingers.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
