How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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