ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
