Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
