i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
