smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
