Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize