There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
