I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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