Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
